I recently had someone ask me about my obsession with Nine Inch Nails. Actually, the comment was more along the lines of that I did not look like a person who would listen to them. I, of course, was instantly offended (which I probably should not have been).

I recently did a music meme that you had to use song lyrics to answer the questions. I originally did it with all with Nine Inch Nails lyrics. Bill read my answers and made me change them. His reasoning was that I am not that person anymore. To a degree, he is right. I have a history with depression and anxiety and I found Nine Inch Nails (among other bands) as an outlet. One of my most favorite songs of all time is Hurt. Here’s the video:

I have to admit it is the most personal song Trent Reznor wrote. He finishes all his concerts with this song. This is a song of true despair that cuts at the very depths of your soul when you are dealing with things like depression. I can listen to all of Nine Inch Nails music and say “yes, I’ve been there”. Here is some lyrics from Down In It:

kinda like a cloud i was up way up in the sky.
and i was feeling some feelings you wouldn’t believe.
sometimes i don’t believe them myself and i decided i was never coming down.

just then a tiny little dot caught my eye.
it was just about too small to see.
but i watched it way too long.
that dot was pulling me down.

That is what it is like when depression has a hold on your life. One minute everything is fine and dandy. The next you are getting pulled into the darkness of depression. Trent does not sugar coat his life and admits to both depression and drug use. I use to think that is what makes his music great. I was wrong. He has been sober for the last couple of years and his music is as great as ever. I have already told Bill that we going to his next concert even if I am 9 months pregnant. I listened to a lot of NIN when I was going through my miscarriage. It was another outlet for me.

Another one of my musical inspirations is Tori Amos. I know, the other end of the musical montage. I think what drew me to her was her anguish also. One of my favorite and most difficult songs to listen to is Me and A Gun. This video is from 1992 and there was no music video for this song:

Having been sexually assaulted myself, this hits home more than I can tell you. Tori was raped and these are truly the thoughts that go through your head. It helped me get through one of the most difficult times of my life. I can only imagine how many women she has helped with this song.

While I was pregnant with Madison, I listened to Evanescense quite a bit. That is why it was not too surprising when this we would play this song, she would immediately stop crying:

I know, not quite the lullaby you would think she would have liked. She would immediately stop crying the minute we would start playing “My Immortal”.

This is just a small snapshot of the music I like and the songs that have been important to me. It is weird though. I am still listening to my industrial/alternative music, and I am finding that Bill is mellowing out. Maybe it is the part of me that always wants to rebel. I will be very interested to see what this new baby picks for his song. What songs are important to you and why?