I hate camping. Why do you ask? I hate sleeping on the ground. I like electricity. What more can I say. Oh yeah — the last camping trip I went on was with Bill and his family and friends. I think we were the oldest ones who went, and we were all of 19 years old.

First, I was the only girl. Next, they really didn’t know how to get there so we got lost. Also, I volunteered to go grocery shopping and was turned down. Instead they let Bill’s brother and cousin go (who were all of 17 years old). We ended up with beer and turkey burgers. I personally would have wanted something that looked more like this or even this. That’s it. They bought nothing else. Because we got lost, we had to set the tent up in the dark.

Day Two - We are all going tubing on the river. Bill tells me “Oh, it will only take an hour” So moron me doesn’t bother to put sunscreen on. Let’s just say it was at least two hours when we got to the half way point, and I was like I am done with this. I want to go back to the campsite. Bill says okay and asks the guy who drove for the keys to the car. He decides to throw them to us. Mind you, we are in a river when he does this. It was like slow motion. We all knew those keys weren’t making it to Bill. And we were right. They were about a foot short.

Bill, me, another one of Bill’s cousins, and the person who owned the car headed out on foot to the campsite that was at least three miles away to get the spare set of keys. Halfway there, some nice ladies took pity on us and drove us the rest of the way to the site. They also drove Bill’s cousin and the owner of the car back to river, so they could get everyone else and the vehicle.

In the meantime, I start getting really sick. I know they all thought I was being a b*tch. I started welting up and almost passing out. I wanted Bill to bring me to the hospital which he didn’t. When I got home the next day, my mom freaked. My body started bloating up. Monday morning I ended up at the doctor’s with second and third degree burns from the sun. I also had to take a diuretic to get the fluid that was building up out of me. I had to use a special salve on the burn too.

And Bill wonders why I don’t want to go camping again . . . .