(Disclosure: Womanly things discussed. Read at your own will).
Let me start off by stating that I haven’t slept all night. Will decided that he didn’t want to sleep, and somebody had to get up with him. So I’m tired and crabby from that alone.
Will’s 2nd birthday party is tomorrow, so I am stressed about that. My family is coming in today (need to finish cleaning).
And the surgery. If you don’t know what’s going on, read here and here. Basically, if you can believe this, my period has gotten worse on the estrogen I’ve been taking for 2 weeks now. Worse. Right now, if I could curl into a ball — I would. That’s how bad my cramps are. And this is on birth control. Can you imagine how much worse this would be if I wasn’t? So I sit here and feel sorry for myself which I sooooo know I shouldn’t be doing. There are so many people out there who have it way worse than we do — it’s just lack of sleep, the cramps, the freaking emotional roller coaster all these freaking hormones have me on — I just want this over. I want this surgery (which is scheduled for June 24th) to be over. Yes 2 weeks away. So I’ll have this period that started May 4th until at least then.
My fears? What are they going to find? From what I’ve read, this could be as simple as a fibroid or a polyp. Or not. I have a lot of cancer in my family. Like pretty much every kind that there is out there. My aunt died one year ago today from lung cancer (she also had bone (I think) and breast), so that weighs on my mind. Another aunt died of ovarian. Though noone has said it to me yet, I have warned Bill about losing the girly parts. Because this could turn out to be nothing, but this could turn out to be bad. Very bad. My next fear is that they find nothing. Then I just spent several thousand dollars to find out nothing. And then what? Am I going to be told to deal with it?
Those are my thoughts on a Friday morning when I am suppose to be cleaning.
Added: You know you are having a bad day when you notice on your Twitter feed that people are recommending for #followfriday, and it makes you all teary eyed. Thanks again!