* You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.

* You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

* You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.

* You know the difference between ‘Green’ and ‘Red’ farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!

* You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Farm and Fleet

* You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.

* You hear someone use the word ‘oof-dah’ and you don’t break into uncontrollable laughter..

* You or someone you know was a ‘Dairy Princess’ at the county fair.

* You know that ‘combine’ is a noun. ( and you just pronounced it as one)

* You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.

* You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

* You know that ‘creek’ rhymes with ‘pick’.

* Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.

* A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.

* Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.

* There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning and/or smelled like it.

* You have driven your car on the lake.

* You can make sense of ‘upnort’ and ‘baatree’.

* Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.

* Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

* The local gas station sells live bait.

* At least twice a year some part of your home double as a meat processing plant.

* You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.

* You actually understand these jokes and you will send your Wisconsin friends here to read them!!!!!

* You can go from using your heater to your air-conditioning and back to you heater in your vehicle and it doesn’t phase you.

* Not drinking at any major function (i.e.: baptism, graduation, birthday, funeral, family reunion, class reunion, etc.) is an outrage.

* You’ve been drinking at major functions (see above) since you were 14 years old ( or younger)!!

* You think everybody else has an accent.

* 60 degrees IS summer weather.

* You know what a “regular” is…and probably are one!

* “Upnort” is any town above 29 for you. (And you understood that!)

* “O-ya” is in your daily vocabulary.

* You or someone you know has a permanent campsite not far from your hometown, and you know all the “permanents!”

* EVERY restaurant has a fish special on Friday nights.

Now, as you all may know, I am from Wisconsin and I relate a little to much to a lot of these. I’m surprised I didn’t see anything about auto parts or the wonderful smells (besides cows) that you sometimes encounter!

Investment tips for 2008 For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2008.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zest Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4.) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expect Ed to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally ….

9. Victoria ‘S Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
Titty Titty Bang Bang

Hum the Boohbah theme song.
Mention glycerin suppositories.
Say, “Does this fat make me look fat?”
Moo when you take your bra off.
Call your partner “Daddy” in a singsong voice.
Remind him of the greatest miracle of your relationship: the time he saw your vagina turn inside out.

I got this list in an email tonight, and it was too funny not to pass it on! Now, a good way to rekindle the romance is take a few luxury vacations (and I’m not talking about the ones to the water park with the kids!). Let me know if you know so more ways NOT to rekindle the romance and I’ll add them to the list>

I actually got this in an email, but it made me laugh so I have to pass it on.

“True Friendship” (With none of that Sissy Crap!!!!)

Are you tired of those sissy “friendship” poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just the stone cold truth of our friendship.

When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.

When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile — I will know you finally got laid.

When you are scared– I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

When you are confused — I will use little words.

When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want to catch whatever you have.

When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath….. I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask,”Because you are my friend”. We don’t need a succession plan, because friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

For those of you not familiar with Milwaukee, North 43 goes to Green Bay and South 94 goes to Chicago. The Wisconsin Department of Transportation may need some body shop supplies to get that sign up though. Being from Green Bay and living in Chicago, I found this quite humorous. I have a feeling my inlaws might not find it as humorous. How about you?