For those of you not familiar with Milwaukee, North 43 goes to Green Bay and South 94 goes to Chicago. The Wisconsin Department of Transportation may need some body shop supplies to get that sign up though. Being from Green Bay and living in Chicago, I found this quite humorous. I have a feeling my inlaws might not find it as humorous. How about you?

Another email gem:

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what look to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie.But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency )ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There’s a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

‘Well, cowboy,’ says the genie ‘You know how I work….You have three wishes.’

‘I’m not falling for this.’ said the cowboy… ‘I’m not going to trust a FEMA genie.’

‘What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!’

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. ‘OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.’

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen,and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

‘OK, cowpoke, what’s your second wish.’

‘My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.’

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

‘OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!’

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says…’I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need
me.’

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.

I got this in an email, and I had to pass it on –

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees

that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.

I love you, darling!
Love,
Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son…what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replies, “Oh THAT!… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try a 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.