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I’m having surgery and other ramblings

(Disclosure:  Womanly things discussed.  Read at your own will).

Let me start off by stating that I haven’t slept all night.  Will decided that he didn’t want to sleep, and somebody had to get up with him.  So I’m tired and crabby from that alone.

Will’s 2nd birthday party is tomorrow, so I am stressed about that.  My family is coming in today (need to finish cleaning).

And the surgery.  If you don’t know what’s going on, read here and here.  Basically, if you can believe this, my period has gotten worse on the estrogen I’ve been taking for 2 weeks now.  Worse.  Right now, if I could curl into a ball — I would.  That’s how bad my cramps are.  And this is on birth control.  Can you imagine how much worse this would be if I wasn’t?  So I sit here and feel sorry for myself which I sooooo know I shouldn’t be doing. There are so many people out there who have it way worse than we do — it’s just lack of sleep, the cramps, the freaking emotional roller coaster all these freaking hormones have me on — I just want this over.  I want this surgery (which is scheduled for June 24th) to be over.  Yes 2 weeks away.  So I’ll have this period that started May 4th until at least then.

My fears?  What are they going to find?  From what I’ve read, this could be as simple as a fibroid or a polyp.  Or not.  I have a lot of cancer in my family.  Like pretty much every kind that there is out there.  My aunt died one year ago today from lung cancer (she also had bone (I think) and breast), so that weighs on my mind.  Another aunt died of ovarian.  Though noone has said it to me yet, I have warned Bill about losing the girly parts.  Because this could turn out to be nothing, but this could turn out to be bad.  Very bad.  My next fear is that they find nothing.  Then I just spent several thousand dollars to find out nothing.  And then what?  Am I going to be told to deal with it?

Those are my thoughts on a Friday morning when I am suppose to be cleaning. :)

Added:  You know you are having a bad day when you notice on your Twitter feed that people are recommending for #followfriday, and it makes you all teary eyed.  Thanks again!

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  1. I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best for you when you have your surgery.

    I wil be going in for mine on the 29th so if I don't hear from you before I go in, please know that my thoughts will be with you and hoping all will be well. :)

  2. Oh! I had one of those about 10 years ago. It could have been anything from an ovarian cyst to an ovarian tumor. Turned out, it was a mere fibroid dangling in a position so that on the ultrasound it looked like it was on an ovary. Whew!

    But I didn't know that beforehand and laid awake many nights worrying and crying. I didn't have kids at that point, so I also got to kick myself around for waiting so long, too.

    The absolute WORST part was in the weeks before the surgery, when I didn't know what was going to happen or what was going to have to come out. I think even if it had been an ovary – or more – it would have been easier to deal with than the uncertainty of all the possibilities. I think I would have lost my mind if I'd had the pain and the hormonal roller coaster to deal with as well.

    I'll, too, be thinking of you on the 24th and hoping for the best.

  3. I'm sorry you're going to have to get the surgery after all. Wish I lived closer so I could help you with the kiddos that week.

  4. I hope everything turned out well, Lisa. Sharing your thoughts and daily rants to people is a good thing, especially if you wanna know something that could help you. I assume you have told your doctor about this. I'm sure he or she had helped you well.

    How's it going now?

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