I thought that title would get your attention. Also, it serves as a great warning say if your are eating breakfast and don’t want to hear about things like bodily fluids over your breakfast. Ok, on with the story . . .

My bodily fluid day started at the doctors office. While being weighed, Will proceeded to pee all over the scale and me and the nurse and himself. It was great, let me tell you. Then after we got home, Will proceeded to pee on me twice while I was trying to change him. I thought this was the end of my fun. I was wrong. About 11 pm last night, I fed Will in my bed. I was being lazy and did want to take him back into the living room which has not been a problem. Last night, however, he ate his bottle and then proceeded to throw up all over me and my bed. Not a little, mind you. I had to change my clothes, and we had to rip all the bedding off the bed. My entire side of the bed was covered in puke.

I thought we were done with this stuff by today. Madison climbed into bed with me this morning. I was feeding Will about 8 and I noticed a wet spot on the bed on Bill’s side (and I was pretty sure Bill didn’t wet the bed). This is where Madison lays when she climbs into bed with me. Her diaper leaked!!!!

So today has now turned into “let’s wash all the bedding” day. I tell you, its great being a housewife. Somebody please help me . . .

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After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So,How is everything going?” inquired God.

“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied.

“The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, Everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these Breasts you have given me The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain,” reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc……….she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced,” as she put it.

“That is a fair point,” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.” And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?” “Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you Now let’s see………..where did I put the useless boob?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

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