Posts Tagged ‘pee_my_pants’
Kotex
I got this in an email this morning. I thought I was going to pee my pants laughing. Perfect time to show up too!
Dear Kotex:
I recently noticed that the peel off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of “Kotex Tips for Life” on it. Annoying advice such as:
*Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
*Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
*Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
*Try Kotex blah blah blah other products…
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.
Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell…but go ahead…I triple-dog-friggen-dare ya….See what happens and report back. I’ll wait.
While you’re at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps…well guess what? The only activities that interest me is eating…sleeping…bitching or crying for no apparent reason…and….oh…does ripping someone’s head off count as a friggen’ activity???!!!!
Look, females don’t need or want tips for living on their feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing “helpful” crap like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many
containing alcohol and barbituates.
Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
It’s not a fun time but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among
the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don’t ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package and announce that….hellooooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!!
So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies and the smiley faces and shove them right up your a@@@!
P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin and maybe a shot of Bourbon to your packages instead?
3 Comments »
Test
I thought I was going to pee my pants laughing when I took this test, so I have to show you all. Let me know how you do.
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?
Let’s find out just how clever you really are….
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Scroll down for answer…..
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
Scroll down for answer…..
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You’re not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30 .
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer…..
Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you’ll get the last question right….
….Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Scroll down for answer…..
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn’t.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
Scroll down for answer…..
DUH!!!!!!! He just has to open his mouth and ask…
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