Posts Tagged ‘proof’
Additions and basements
While on vacation, we made some big decisions about the house. Bill is pretty sure we can’t afford to go up (that and we don’t want to go into a ton of debt trying to just get the shell and then there isn’t enough cash left over to actually finish the thing). We do need the extra space (Will’s bedroom is only 9×11 without a closet). However, we have an unfinished basement that would really give us the extra space we need. We really just want a toy room and a living room down there. Bill would eventually like a bar and maybe a pool table with some billiards supplies. I wouldn’t mind being able to put our dartboard back up too. I am pretty sure Bill wouldn’t mind if I tell him to put up a game room like that. (My grandma had a pool table in her basement, and as kids, we always played with it. Not that it actually made be a better pool player – lol. She actually still has it too. She also still has a foosball (sp?) table that we enjoy playing with too.) We have almost 600 square feet that we are working with, so we really can do almost anything we want. We have gotten several quotes in the last three years about fixing our leaky basement floor, and I think this year we are going to make this a reality. We are setting up talking to my hubby’s friend Tony about putting a bathroom in the basement first and then calling US Waterproofing to come out and give us an estimate next. My goal is to have a finished basement by Will’s birthday. Now, whether that is really going to happen is another story.
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To All Employees
Effective 1st January 2007
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch break and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Management
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