If the temperature is . . .
60 Degrees F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Wisconsin sunbathe.
50 F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens.
40 F: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.
30 F: Distilled water freezes. The water at Lake Winnebago in Wisconsin starts getting cooler.
20 F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.
15 F: New York City landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0 F: All the people in Miami die. People in Wisconsin close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians escape en masse to Mexico. Girl Scouts in Wisconsin sell cookies door to door.
25 below zero: Las Vegas disintegrates. People in Wisconsin rummage around the attic to find some winter coats.
40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Some Wisconsin are frustrated when they can't start their cars.
460 below zero: All atomic motion stops. People in Wisconsin start saying . . . “Cold 'nuff for ya?”
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. In Wisconsin, Packers win the Super Bowl!!